Naked Under My Burka: Sex Shop Owned by German Porn Giant Opening in Mecca

Relax. She's halal.

Okay, when I say "naked under my burka" I don't mean my burka. I mean it's the sort of thing a sexy Muslim woman who was naked under her burka might say. I haven't worn a burka since, well, since that sublime weekend interlude in Penang...

But I digress.

From the Arabic news portal Alyaoum24, via Malaysian Digest, via International Business Times, via Breitbart, via Drudge:

FOR THE PILGRIM WHO HAS NEARLY EVERYTHING: FIRST ‘HALAL’ SEX SHOP TO OPEN IN MECCA 

By Oliver Lane, Breitbart, 22 April, 2015: A Dutch-German ‘Sharia compliant’ sex aid company is to establish a shop in Mecca, the Saudi Arabian city considered holy in Islam as it is believed to be the birth place of Mohammed. 

Despite the outwardly controversial nature of the planned establishment, negotiations have taken place with local clerics and sheikhs to ensure it is fully compliant with Sharia law while owner Abdelaziz Aouragh says they are nearly ready to open. The Moroccan Muslim, who founded El Asira in 2012 said despite the commonly held belief that Muslim women are sexually repressed, this was not the case. 

Aouragh said: “The image of women in the kitchen with burqa is not a true picture… There is a lot of love and respect Islam has for adult women. Our store puts women at the center, offers information, and provides answers to frequently asked questions on sex” 

The company, which retails products such as ‘glide and care sensual silicone’ sexual lube from the ‘Sensual Arabica Collection’ and retails the ‘touch her gently creme’, has recently merged with German sex shop giant and porn baron Beate Uhse AG, the largest sex company in the world.

The El Asira website expounds on the philosophy of the company:

We believe that if couples don’t take the time to show the love for their partner nor themselves, they won’t be able to reach a deeper sensual, sexual or spiritual connection. That is what El Asira is trying to accomplish. In the end, we’d like to see our Sensual Arabica product range to be able to build bridges. Not only between the East and West, but more importantly, between man and woman. 

Will you join the enticing journey of Sensual Arabica? 

...El Asira puts women on a pedestal without embarrassing them. In our vision women deserve respect, so at El Asira, we communicate with them in a subtle and elegant way... 

El Asira is completely Sharia compliant. Contrary to popular belief, sharia compliance is not something eerie; it just means we develop products which are ‘halal’...all our products are maintaining the integrity, pure humanity and ethics inherent with the sharia... 

You were probably surprised when you entered our website and didn’t see products or images you’d normally see in a sex shop. Indeed, El Asira is different. Because we sell different products. Products with which we have set a different goal: to reach a deeper sensual, sexual or spiritual connection between man and woman.

Sharia compliance is not eerie. Who knew?

Sure enough, there are no blow up dolls or battery operated appliances. Just creams, oils and perfumes. In other words, about what you would find in the average Disney Store.

But Beate Uhse AG--"the largest sex company in the world"--is a bit different. In our exhaustive investigative research on the firm, we learned a number of fascinating facts:

• The company was founded by Nazi "stunt pilot" Beate Uhse-Rotermund, who among other exploits, escaped Russian encircled Berlin in a mini-plane with her two-year-old son, his nanny and two other injured Germans squished in.
• The company began in 1946 as a distributor of "family planning pamphlets" and was actually run by Ms. Uhse-Rotermund until her death in 2001.
• She opened the world's first legal sex shop in Flensburg, West Germany in 1962.
• Pornography was only legalized in Germany in 1976.
• The company currently has sales of approximately 500 million dollars and owns multiple cinemas and sex shops as well as having a thriving mail-order business.

Here at Mahound's Paradise, we make no judgments (following the example of our Pope). If sex is good, sexy sex is better. And it's super-sexy better if you can have it with another person.

Or as one erotic poet put it:

Sex is natural, sex is fun

Sex is best when it's one on one.

And only one, you naughty-minded sheikh. Even if you have four wives, the rule is one at a time.

More than that would be Makrooh.