What if Muslims Wrote the Declaration of Independence?

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Sheikh Jefferson, leader of the Jihad against King George III

This is a repost of something I wrote four months ago on the occasion of the current President declaring that "Islam has been woven into the fabric of our country since its founding." But for obvious reasons, I thought it would be appropriate to reprint it today. I confess to thinking it one of my better efforts. Virtually every line of this alternative Declaration sequentially tracks a line in the original, while of course including a few key changes. "Renaming" the founders was a treat after the text was completed. And the last-minute idea to supersize Jibril's John Hancock was something I couldn't resist. 

Do not believe the infidel lies! Here is the actual text of the Declaration of Independence, as translated from the original Arabic:

July 4, 1776.

Recite! Oh, Muslims, when in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people who have submitted to the will of Allah to conquer another people who have not so submitted, and to assume among the powers granted by Allah the Most High, the superior station to which all Muslims are entitled, a decent respect to the opinions of the scholars at Al-Azhar University in Cairo requires that they should declare the particular clauses of the Koran that justify their actions. 

Listen well! We hold these truths to be revealed to us through Mohammed (peace be upon him), that all men are created slaves of Allah, the Most High, and their only purpose is to submit to Him. If they do, they will be granted virgins and cool running streams. If they do not, they will be punished with burning necklaces of coals wrapped around them for all eternity--That to secure these ends Allah has decreed that the entire earth be put under Islam--That whenever any other nation or government opposes those ends, it is the right of all Muslims to alter or abolish it, and to institute the Caliphate over it, laying its foundation in Sharia Law. Prudence indeed will dictate that Muslims should often hide their true purposes, arguing that Islam is after all, merely a “religion of peace.” Current experience has shewn that the infidels are likely to believe this. But when a long train of terrorist attacks alerts some of them to our true goals, we can be confident that their own self-hatred will prevent the bulk of them from opposing us. It is our right, it is our duty to infiltrate their societies in the hopes of throwing off their infidel governments and establishing true Muslim rule throughout their lands—Such has been our patient aim for 1000 years; and such is the necessity imposed upon us by the glorious Koran and the example of Mohammed (peace be upon him). The recent history of the world is the history of the inexorable advance of Islam, all having as its direct object the establishment of an absolute Caliphate… 

...Submit! For the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the Will of Allah, we pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred honor to Sheikh Osama Bin Laden and the leadership of Al Qaeda.

Signed,

Budail Gwinnett

Leron Hall

Gamali Walton

Wakil Hooper

Jamal Hewes

Jaun Penn

Emir Rutledge

Tarif Heyward, Jr.

Taj Lynch, Jr.

Abdul Middleton

Jibril Hancock

Samien Chase

Wajid Paca

Talib Stone

Cemal Carroll of Carrollton

Ghazwan Wythe

Ramadan Henry Lee

Tamir Jefferson

Bashshar Harrison

Tamam Nelson, Jr.

Farook Lightfoot Lee

Coman Braxton

Ruwayd Morris

Barakah Rush

Bandar Franklin

Jawad Morton

Ghassan Clymer

Jawhar Smith

Gadil Taylor

Jamim Wilson

Ghazwan Ross

Cemal Rodney

Gadil Read

Tamir Mckean

Wajid Floyd
Qutb Livingston

Farhan Lewis

Lutfi Morris

Rasul Stockton

Jabbar Witherspoon

Fareeq Hopkinson

Jasim Hart

Abdul-Basir Clark

Jameel Bartlett

Wajih Whipple

Sa’ib Adams

Jihad Adams

Rimon Treat Paine

Emir Gerry

Shadin Hopkins

Wakil Ellery

Rasul Sherman

Safiy al DinHuntington

Wajih Williams

Omar Wolcott

Mahbub Thompson