Thursday, January 22, 2015

Quien es Mas Macho? Muhammad o Cthulhu?

Vamos a pedir a diez preguntas, la adjudicación de un ganador para la mayoría, aunque en algunos casos será un empate. Entonces vamos a Tally cosas y elegimos un ganador general de la pregunta - quién es más macho?

(We're going to ask ten questions, awarding a winner for most, though in some cases it will be a tie. Then we'll tally things up and choose an overall winner for the question - who is most macho?)

Further text translated into English:
  1. Muhammad founded a religion that now has a billion worshippers. Cthulhu has only a few thousand worshippers and they’re all either insane, aquatic, fungoid or from New Zealand. Advantage: Muhammad.

  2. Muhammad’s actual height is unknown, but it is unlikely it was much over six feet. Cthulhu is hundreds of meters tall. Advantage: Cthulhu.

  3. They worship Muhammad’s religion in Riyadh. They worship Cthulhu’s religion in R’lyeh. Tie.

  4. Muhammad had at least 19 wives and concubines, including the former wife of his adopted son (she liked Muhammad better) and the daughter of a Jewish chief, whose husband Muhammad’s men had beheaded just hours before. Cthulhu never had a date. Advantage: Muhammad.

  5. Muhammad needed a flying horse to get to Jerusalem. Cthulhu has wings. He just doesn’t want to use them. Advantage: Cthulhu.

  6. Muhammad has the Koran. Cthulhu has the Necronomicon. Tie.

  7. Muhammad appears to people in dreams (see The Satanic Verses). Cthulhu appears to people in dreams (see The Call of Cthulhu). Tie.

  8. Muhammad didn’t like music. Cthulhu is partial to the monotonous whine of accursed flutes. Advantage: Muhammad (if you think being macho is being resistant to such fripperies).

  9. Muhammad has Karen Armstrong. Cthulhu has H.P. Lovecraft. Advantage: Cthulhu.

  10. Muhammad sent assassins to kill those who opposed him. Cthulhu doesn’t give a damn, knowing that when he wakes up, it will all be over anyway. Advantage: Cthulhu.
Cthulhu wins 4:3! El tentáculos uno es mas macho!

After the announcement: Riots in Pakistan (tires are set on fire and Cthulhu is burned in effigy). CAIR issues a statement. Hillary Clinton condemns. Islamophobes gloat. But the world is oblivious to what is about to be unleashed…

En su casa de R'lyeh, Cthulhu espera soñando muertos.

Deal with it.

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