Pope Francis On Muslim Assassins: "Don't Hurt Me Because I'm a Real Scaredy Cat"

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Er... I just want to die peacefully like with no... pain.

THIS IS NOT A PARODY

Or rather, is this poor fellow's whole pontificate a parody?

I wish it were.

Okay, I was slightly unfair in my blog headline. the full quote comes from Gazzetta del Sud:

Vatican City, March 10 - Pope Francis has said he is very scared of physical pain and wants God to spare him that in the event of an assassination attempt. "I have said to the Lord: take care of me. But if your will is that I should die or that they do something to me, I ask you one favour: that they don't hurt me," Francis said in an interview with an Argentine magazine. "Because I'm a real scaredy cat when it comes to physical pain". The pope was answering a question on possible fanatics out to get him, speaking to a priest who is a friend of his, Father Pepe, in an interview with La Carcova News, the magazine of a Buenos Aires slum.

His Humbleness then goes on to pontificate about public financing of political campaigns.

Okay, Jesus Himself asked the Father to "remove this cup from me." But he didn't brag about it to reporters. It might have let down the side.

ISIS implies they will have commando teams in Rome in the near future. I believe them. At the same time for at least 90% of Europeans, God and His Church are dead. But Francis believes youth unemployment and the loneliness of senior citizens is the chief political and spiritual problem of our age. Along with campaign finance issues, no doubt.

Sure.

This is too depressing. Let's talk about movies.

The photograph and caption is, as you probably know, from Stanley Kubrick's, A Clockwork Orange.

Here's another film reference. It's from that great guilty pleasure movie, The Hunted (1995), starring John Lone, Joan Chen and Christopher Lambert.

The assassin, Kinjo (Lone) is about to murder Kirina (Chen):

Kirina: Before you kill me, let me see your face.
Kinjo: (Taking off Ninja mask) No one but you has seen my face. I am known by reputation. I was sent because they wanted the best. My skill is unmatched.
Kirina: It takes great skill to butcher an unarmed woman.
Kinjo: Enough! You can die painlessly or slowly (unsheathes his sword). Choose.
Kirina: I wish to die slowly and with much pain, so I remember what it was to be alive.
Kinjo: You have great courage. And I have orders that it be quick. I am sorry.
Kirina: Be sorry for yourself. I am free. You are a coward. A slave...

Watch the clip:

May all of us have such courage in these dark times.