Friday, April 1, 2016

BREAKING: Family Spokesman Confirms Donald Trump Was Received Into Catholic Church at Easter

Donald Trump, outside St. Michael's Chapel on Long Island

Unbelievable. Utterly. I am almost without words (and that doesn't happen very often). This campaign has got to go down in American history as the one of the weirdest on record.

I'm sure you've all seen this by now, but here are two of the most informative links:

Partial transcript of Donald Trump remarks after he briefly emerged from St. Michael's Chapel to take questions, via Milo Yiannopoulos at Breitbart:  
I want to thank you all very much. It's been a really beautiful week. And I'm very excited. I know what's on your mind so let me just say right now, I am going to Wisconsin tomorrow to campaign. I spoke with Ted Cruz last night by phone and offered my apologies for anything I might have said or done that may have offended him or his family in any way. He was very gracious. Very gracious. But I also let him know that being a Catholic doesn't mean that I'm now going to be a loser. If anything, it's exactly the opposite. He said he understood that.
Why did I convert? I converted because it was the right thing to do. But if you're asking why I converted now, or converted here, it's a little thing called the Traditional Mass. It's a very special thing. A beautiful thing. The priests at SSPX have been really wonderful. And they showed me how the Catholic Church contained great things. And, of course Mordecai helped me along. I want to thank him and his lovely wife Elisheva, once again. 
Well, that's journalists for you. Already you're starting to get nasty and ask nasty questions and do the confrontational thing. But I understand that and it's okay. Was this a political calculation? What a question. I'm a truth-teller. And I'm not going to hide anything from the voters. So that's your answer and I know you don't like it. What a question. But it doesn't surprise me. 
And I'm also going to say this. And I know you're not going to believe it but it's true. Pope Francis called me on Tuesday to congratulate me. We spoke for a few minutes. We've had our differences but he's a very gracious man. I told him I really appreciated one of his homilies that he gave a year or so ago (it's here -Editor). I know there's dissension in the Church right now, and that we might even be on different sides on some things. He thanked me for my criticism and said that he valued it. I told him I would pray for him.
Yes? I have to go back in there now. Father Pétain will be angry at me. But I will say this. And I know you're going to laugh at it. And I don't mean to be disrespectful. But look, Jesus was a dealmaker. I'm a dealmaker. He offered me a deal. And I took it. And let me tell you. It was the best deal I ever made. Thank you all very much. 
From Yahoo News:
FARMINGVILLE, NY, April 1 (AP) – At a hastily assembled press conference on the grounds of St. Michael's Chapel in Central Long Island,  a spokesman for the Trump family confirmed that Mr. Trump had been received into the Catholic Church five days earlier in a closed ceremony. 
The spokesperson, Mordecai Abramowitz, a longtime real estate associate of Trump and himself a Catholic convert from Judaism, was flanked by two priests from the Society of Saint Pius X. According to sources, the two priests had guided the Republican presidential candidate through the somewhat lengthy Catholic confirmation process. 
Trump was attending a private one-day retreat in the chapel dormitories and could not be reached for comment. 
The spokesperson also told reporters that Trump had already initiated annulment proceedings on his first two marriages. According to Abramowitz, Trump had assured the local SSPX chapter that he would be living with his current wife, Melania, as "brother and sister" in separate wings of his Florida mansion until the annulments could be completed under the new "fast track" procedure, perhaps as early as next week.


  1. Yes, and ISIS has laid down their swords and pledged allegiance to Christ the King!

  2. Well, I for one, had NOT heard.
    Thank you for sharing this with us.
    At this moment, I'm in such a state of disbelief,
    I really have nothing more to say.

  3. Sadly this violates the too good to be true rule. But oremus--and hard.

  4. Except....HAPPY APRIL FOOL's DAY!

  5. As Chris Jackson would say, "Cheers! Applause!

    1. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. You read Chris Jackson's satire on the Remnant website, right? ;-)

  6. April fools is such a cruel day for naive people. You had me believing this all day!

  7. I don't understand why pranks and satire has gotten to be so popular. I'm not the whole world but it's just not funny to me. Half the time (more really) I end up believing whatever was said.

  8. Replies
    1. I'm sorry, Kathleen. Sometimes I have a weird sense of humor. In my partial defense, I think I've toned down the parody and satire somewhat over the last year. But I couldn't resist for April Fools.

      Thanks for putting up with it and for reading and commenting on my other more serious pieces. If it helps, if I do it again, you'll always see either the "april first" tag or the "alleged humor" tag.

  9. I think I must have been very tired when reading this post first time.

    I did not note date nor comments, and I was non-plussed when seeing Trump declared himself Presbyterian, so I started researching the older news ... and now found this.

    Well, good to know he had not first converted or tried to and then reverted by an act of apostasy, and good to know this before I made an ass of myself by saying such a thing.