Christian Minister Blames Pro-Lifers for Being Born

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They don't make ministers like they used to

Whatever your position on abortion, if you're a reasonable or consistent thinker, you will find this Huffington Post piece bizarre.

I think it's insane.

It was written for Mother's Day.

The basic idea is that there are millions of "angry mothers" out there who regret that they didn't or couldn't abort their kids.

Now this claim is, I suppose, an empirical one. It could be true (although, I do not think it is).

But the weird thing is, the author, Kristine Holmgren--an ordained Presbyterian minister--thinks it's true about her own mother.

And she laments this.

She blames pro-lifers for being born.

After telling a story about advising a pregnant young woman to have an abortion (in her position as a Christian minister) and maligning the young woman's mother for recommending against it--

"Abortion is murder!" Betty shrieked. "You pile sin on sin and call yourself a pastor?" 

And so it came to pass that an unwanted child brought an unwanted baby to a cold, cold world. 

And another angry mother was spawned.

--she then claims that this was the very position of her own mother when she gave birth to the author:

...angry mothers are everywhere. 

If you were born before women had access to safe, affordable, accessible abortion, chances are your mother was an angry mother. 

I was raised by one. Sure -- my mom loved me; but she was over 40 when I was born - and I was the youngest of four children. 

My oldest brother was twenty-years-old. My nearest was only thirteen months. 

So -- I wasn't (how shall I say this?) -- planned. 

Sometimes my mom called me her "baby." Most of the time she called me, "her final mistake." 

There were no illusions of "righteous" womanhood in my childhood home. In my family, we knew the truth. Raising kids was no picnic. 

"Don't you grow up and have babies for me," my mom said. "You're a smart girl. And you got bigger fish to fry." 

My mother might have been angry, but she raised me to be educated, employed and free.

What a mom--Most of the time she called me, "her final mistake."--and what a daughter.

Now, from her biography we learn that Ms. Holmgren did in fact have two daughters (don't worry, I assume they were planned). We also learn that she published a short story in a book called The Magic of Christmas Miracles (!) and is a frequent contributor to National Public Radio's All Things Considered.  She also has written plays for small theater companies.

But in the end, her mother was right. Compared to raising children, she did have "bigger fish to fry."

She became a blogger.

Pope Welcomes Little Bo Peep to Vatican

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In an organic development of the Second Vatican Council's teachings on ecumenism--proclaimed in Unitatis Redintegratio--the Pope today greeted Little Bo Peep at a Vatican reception. Miss Peep was part of a religious delegation that included Little Jack Horner, the Farmer in the Dell and most of the Children Who Lived in a Shoe, among others.

Initially thought to have missed the meeting, the Itsy Bitsy Spider was spotted gamely climbing up a water spout in the Pope's private gardens.

"This is an opportunity to focus on our common interests so that we can all live happily ever after," declared the Pontiff, over a lunch of curds and whey. "After all, climate change will affect all of us."

This was disputed by the Four and Twenty Naughty Boys, who in the past have been accused of crypto-Lefevbrist tendencies. They were later baked into a pie by Commissioner Volpi.