Saturday, September 19, 2015

Mark Zuckerberg Arrested for Bringing Hoax Bomb Into Facebook Offices

Zuckerberg in happier times

Menlo Park, CA, September 19 (AP) – Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was arrested yesterday for bringing a "hoax bomb" into a company board meeting. Sources report that the thirty-one-year-old billionaire arrived ten-minutes late and placed the device on the conference table before looking around with a defiant and surly expression.

It was a Starbucks takeout box, crudely wrapped with a USB cord, with wires of various colors sticking out.

According to a police spokesman, Zuckerberg took a "passive-aggressive attitude" when questioned by law enforcement. Later, however, after making his bail of $200, the social media mogul told a hastily assembled crowd of Clinton for President donors that the "hoax-bomb" was merely a new laptop prototype developed in his spare time. "I hope to study at MIT," he said, to laughter and applause.

However, tech bloggers soon went public with the bombshell accusation that the "prototype" was simply a disassembled Apple II computer stuffed inside a Starbucks box.

"What a weasel," declared Steve Wozniak, after learning of the incident. "I made that. Zuckerberg didn't. And neither did Steve Jobs. But that's another matter."

Muslims Give Praise

Muslim heads of state, scholars and professional activists around the world criticized the arrest. "This is what happens when you convert to Islam. See?" declared Muhammad Fatwah, head of the Islamic interests section of Amnesty International. "You're made a target. Either they launch a drone after you or they send some stupid underpaid cop. If they can do it to a billionaire tycoon, who can't they do it to?"

When informed that the claim that Zuckerberg had converted to Islam was a false internet rumor spread by the hoax news site National Report, Fatwah responded, "Oh, okay then, my bad. Well what do you expect from a Jew?"

Zuckerberg Defiant

"It's my company, I can do what I want," said a clearly energized Zuckerberg, jumping up and down on the trampoline in the Facebook cafeteria headquarters. "If I want to stuff an old 1970's computer into a coffee take-out box and look surly about it, then that's my prerogative. F__ the major stockholders if they can't take a joke. And no, just because I play 5Pillars via Skype with my buddy Recep Erdoğan doesn't make me a terrorist. I went to Harvard."

Ahmed Mohamed, the 14-year old high-school student involved in a similar incident a few days ago said that he was proud of Zuckerberg and would officially petition to have him adopted as his father. "I didn't really invent anything either, so I sympathize," said the youngster, during a break from playing 5Pillars via Skype. "And my own dad is kind of a freak. What is it with that running-for-president-over-and-over-again-in-Sudan thing? Can't I, for Allah's sake, just move to Palo Alto and become a normal American kid? Or is that only open to white teenagers?"

Tanya Cohen and Dinah Silverstein reporting.

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