Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Pope Francis at Nuremberg: 10 Things to Know and Share*

The Pope takes the "long walk" flanked by two German cardinals

In light of the controversy over the Pope's recent rally at Nuremberg, Mahound's Paradise is proud to host its first guest post by a well-known neo catholic author, blogger and journalist:

Pope Francis at Nuremberg: 10 Things to Know and Share

Pope Francis recently held a large rally at Nuremberg.

And some people are freaking out about it.

Here are 10 things to know and share . . .

1) Where can I watch a video of the rally?

Right here:

Also, you can use this link.

2) What did the Pope say at the rally?

He said:

The current Jubilee Year of Mercy is intended to inaugurate a Papal Reich that will endure for a thousand years.

Victory belongs to us, the People of God.

I am proud to welcome many comrades-in-arms from the internal Catholic wars of the 60's and 70's.

In the past, we were among the persecuted and were often labeled "undesirable elements," liberals, heretics and so on. But now that we are in power, we ourselves must remove the undesirable elements that have proven to be bad. What is bad has no place among us.

Other than that, our greatest enemies are youth unemployment and the loneliness of the aged.

3) What else happened at the rally?

The Pope and two German cardinals purposely strode down a central thoroughfare, with 100,000 uniformed members of the Pope's new security detail arrayed in formation on either side.

A "Cathedral of Light" was created with 152 searchlights sponsored by the World Bank and Vulcan Productions.

Statues of various Norse gods were displayed throughout the stadium and nearby areas.

4) Is it somehow wrong for the Pope to announce that his enemies will be crushed?

There is nothing wrong with defending the Faith. The Pope is merely attempting to ensure that the deposit of Catholic doctrine is protected and transmitted accurately. Obviously those who oppose this should be resisted. The Church has a long tradition of this.

The Cathedral of Light

5) I didn't like the rally. It’s not to my taste. Frankly, there was a hint of authoritarianism about it. What do you think of that?

Fine. Not everything is to everyone’s taste. Not everything in it was to my taste.

The people who planned the rally were trying to make it inspiring and uplifting, but that involves subjective elements, and you know what they say: De gustibus non est disputandum.

Not liking or even criticizing the rally is one thing, but there is no cause here to freak out as if the Pope were doing something contrary to the faith.

6) What about that security detail? Is it true that it is made up almost exclusively of young Middle-Eastern males between the ages of 20-30?

The Vatican has confirmed that most of the uniformed soldiers were Syrian migrants, yes. That's nothing to get upset about. After all, the Vatican has been using the Swiss for hundreds of years. the Pope has argued that everything should be done to help the process of assimilation. Giving the refugees spiffy uniforms and a salary is part of that effort.

7) Speaking of those uniforms, isn't there something a bit inappropriate about the new mailed fist logo with the red "F" superimposed over it?

Most pontificates have seen the creation of original emblems, medals, seals and the like. As for the mailed fist, you have to understand that Francis hails from a political culture that has some points of commonality but also some points of difference with European social democracy. He is the leader of all the world's Catholics, but he, like any of us, is also to some extent a creature of his particular time and place. That's normal.  

Our guest author

8) The cost of the rally was 5 billion Euros. What about that? And why was it held in Nuremberg, anyway?

The German Church had money left over in its budget, so they invited the Pope to have a rally. The national churches may be religious institutions but they are also bureaucracies. And as everyone is aware, bureaucratic entities will strive to use all the monies in their budgets as the end of their fiscal year approaches. It would be naive to think otherwise. You have to admit, though, that the Cathedral of Light was stunning and should be a source of pride to Catholics everywhere.

9) Okay, but you're not going to defend the Norse god thing, are you?

The statues were simply erected out of respect for adherents of Ásatrú. No theological endorsement was made or implied. Christians have always engaged non-Christians. But Pope Francis does believe that Catholics and Pagans share common values and interests, such as for example, how to make an economy run efficiently and how to control and harness the enthusiasms and energies of the masses.

News flash: that's fine.

10) Can you back that up?

Sure. But I don't feel like it right now. Get your own damn blog.

What Now?

If you like the information I've presented here, you can send away for my Secret Pope News Decoder Ring. Once you have one, you'll have the same unfailingly chipper insight on all the latest Pope news. You'll feel better.

*This is obviously a parody. But it's not meant to parody the Pope (well, mostly it isn't). Rather, it's meant to parody a certain segment of "everything is awesome" Catholic journalism  I don't mean to suggest (obviously) that the Pope is a Nazi. Rather, the claim is that if the Pope were a Nazi, there would be some Catholic writers who would defend even that. Or perhaps they wouldn't. But given some of the notorious pieces defending the Pope's recent scandalous words and actions, one does wonder. Humor aside, this is not a good thing. These journalists are doing great damage to the Catholic faith.


  1. Very funny, too.
    Honestly, I am not laughing.
    Yet again I am guilty of sadness - do not tell our leader. I know he forbids it.

    Could it be that I simply need an uplifting rally here in Calgary?

  2. Every time Francis goes off the rails again, I think those HAPPY HAPPY bloggers will pull their heads out of the sand and finally admit that this papacy is a complete disaster. Nope. They just keep on writing their "15 Reasons Francis is Fabulous" pieces and pretending like everything is a-ok in Rome.

  3. What would we ever do without Pope Francis? He is a godsend for bloggers and others upset with his inanity and insanity. Everyday there is something new to comment on. We never had it so good!! And the unintended consequences of all of this is that some folks will become more solid in their faith while others will feel their sinful lifestyles are vindicated. But for all the fun, we are witnessing a tragedy with many souls becoming confused and lost. Let us pray his reign ends soon.

  4. sooooo, your 'guest author' would seem to clear up the mystery over what happened to Fr. Corapi...ah?, eh?, no?