Friday, February 20, 2015

What if Muslims Wrote the Declaration of Independence? Second Report From Opposite World

President Obama, opening the recent White House Summit on Violent Extremism by singing Yankee Doodle Dandy in Arabic

Obama: "Islam Has Been Woven Into the Fabric of Our Country Since Its Founding."

Do not believe the infidel lies! Here is the actual text of the Declaration of Independence, as recently retranslated (from the surviving copy at the Smithsonian):
Recite! Oh, Muslims, when in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people who have submitted to the will of Allah to conquer another people who have not so submitted, and to assume among the powers granted by Allah the Most High, the superior station to which all Muslims are entitled, a decent respect to the opinions of the scholars at Al-Azhar University in Cairo requires that they should declare the particular clauses of the Koran that justify their actions. 
Listen well! We hold these truths to be revealed to us through Mohammed (peace be upon him), that all men are created slaves of Allah, the Most High, and their only purpose is to submit to Him. If they do, they will be granted virgins and cool running streams. If they do not, they will be punished with burning necklaces of coals wrapped around them for all eternity--That to secure these ends Allah has decreed that the entire earth be put under Islam--That whenever any other nation or government opposes those ends, it is the right of all Muslims to alter or abolish it, and to institute the Caliphate over it, laying its foundation in Sharia Law. Prudence indeed will dictate that Muslims should often hide their true purposes, arguing that Islam is after all, merely a “religion of peace.” Current experience has shewn that the infidels are likely to believe this. But when a long train of terrorist attacks alerts some of them to our true goals, we can be confident that their own self-hatred will prevent the bulk of them from opposing us. It is our right, it is our duty to infiltrate their societies in the hopes of throwing off their infidel governments and establishing true Muslim rule throughout their lands—Such has been our patient aim for 1000 years; and such is the necessity imposed upon us by the glorious Koran and the example of Mohammed (peace be upon him). The recent history of the world is the history of the inexorable advance of Islam, all having as its direct object the establishment of an absolute Caliphate… 
...Submit! For the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the Will of Allah, we pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred honor to Sheikh Osama Bin Laden and the leadership of Al Qaeda.

Budail Gwinnett
Leron Hall
Gamali Walton
Wakil Hooper
Jamal Hewes
Jaun Penn
Emir Rutledge
Tarif Heyward, Jr.
Taj Lynch, Jr.
Abdul Middleton
Jibril Hancock
Samien Chase
Wajid Paca
Talib Stone
Cemal Carroll of Carrollton
Ghazwan Wythe
Ramadan Henry Lee
Tamir Jefferson
Bashshar Harrison
Tamam Nelson, Jr.
Farook Lightfoot Lee
Coman Braxton
Ruwayd Morris
Barakah Rush
Bandar Franklin
Jawad Morton
Ghassan Clymer
Jawhar Smith
Gadil Taylor
Jamim Wilson
Ghazwan Ross
Cemal Rodney
Gadil Read
Tamir Mckean
Wajid Floyd
Qutb Livingston
Farhan Lewis
Lutfi Morris
Rasul Stockton
Jabbar Witherspoon
Fareeq Hopkinson
Jasim Hart
Abdul-Basir Clark
Jameel Bartlett
Wajih Whipple
Sa’ib Adams
Jihad Adams
Rimon Treat Paine
Emir Gerry
Shadin Hopkins
Wakil Ellery
Rasul Sherman
Safiy al DinHuntington
Wajih Williams
Omar Wolcott
Mahbub Thompson


  1. Too funny . . .

    . . . and altogether sad.


    Letter to The Times

    From Bishop Joseph Goebbels D.D.

    I am writing on behalf of the Church of Adolf Hitler (pbuh), formerly known as the Nazi Party.

    Having decided to transform ourselves into a religion, we have abandoned all worldly ambitions, and intend to concentrate on our higher spiritual objectives of non-violent global conquest, compassionate enslavement of inferior peoples, and peaceful extermination of the Jews.

    Since we are now a religion rather than a political movement, we demand the following rights and privileges appropriate to our new identity:

    - An end to Naziphobia in the media, especially war films showing the Nazis in a bad light.

    - Tax exemption for all places of worship including airfields, munitions factories, extermination camps etc.

    - Destruction of all blasphemous cartoons of Adolf Hitler(pbuh) produced in the Second World War.

    - An apology from the British government for the campaign of Naziphobia waged by Winston Churchill, and the hurt feelings inflicted on the Afrika Korps at El Alamein by the Naziphobic bigot Montgomery.

    - An apology from the American government for the insensitivity by the raging Naziphobe Eisenhower in failing to forewarn Nazi community leaders of the D-Day landings, which caused much distress among the peaceloving Nazis holidaying in Northern France.

    - Burning 'Mein Kampf' must become a hate crime punishable by hanging with piano wire.

    - Application of our parallel legal system known as 'The Gestapo' must be enforced in so-called 'democratic' countries.

    - We demand affirmative action, in the interests of community cohesion, to promote Nazis to high positions in the security services.

    - We demand government funding for the expansion of our youth activities, which play a vital role in keeping the younger generation out of trouble, and concentrate their minds on wholesome activities such as rallies, processions, camps, pogroms etc.

    - The occasional Blitzkrieg invasions of sovereign states must not be portrayed in the media as being typical of Nazis as a whole, since this leads to Naziphobia. Rather they must be shown to be the work of a tiny minority of extremists who have hijacked a peaceful spiritual movement.

    Peace in our time and Heil Hitler!
    - Bishop Joseph Goebbels

    1. hahahaha!!!!! xsCreative!!!