Friday, April 13, 2018

Jeffrey Mirus is Unwell (Again)


SOHO — I’ve tried ignoring this Pope but the bastard won’t go away. He's not good for my income stream. Yes, I’m going to have a right old moan today — and this month we hit only 17% of our fundraising goal. Pope of Mercy? You must be joking. Tell that to my broker. But at least I had a booze blowout with a few fellow Neo-Caths to sanitize our sorrows. Last night I poured gin into my computer keyboard and it nearly blew up. There aren’t any prizes for shills but that's just what I am. If I don't play ball regarding Frankie, I get kicked in the balls. Which reminds me, I’m somewhat choked at not having been invited for a drink by the Patheos Women’s Guild. I have been invited to take a drink with Mark Shea though. Bollocks the thought. But [REDACTED], who betrayed his college for 30 silvers, went berserk in TGI Fridays yesterday and bought me two drinks. He asked me for a loan and I pretended he was joking. Could this be some sort of honey trap?

Anyway, I think I may have cracked it this year. The website spend account is sending me to Cuba where I shall be once again lying about Frankie. This could lead to suicide, I fear, if the self-pity and sentiment sets in and I really don’t want to be found dead wearing a "who am I to judge?" button. It looks quite silly enough as it is. Incidentally, do you think I can trot out my "Pope thinking outside the box" argument again? I've already used it fifty-nine fucking times. When they get wise to it, I'll try something different. What?

But by far the worst thing about the shilling, apart from the suicidal tendencies, is the business of acting the clown. This is what my doctorate was for? Snowing the donors. But who else will Help Keep Jeff Out of the Nick.

Now if Bergo could read, I’d sit right down and write him a letter. Dear Super Pope, it would start too. He likes a little sycophancy, as we all know, as do all idols, gods, features editors, publicans, bank managers and anybody else in the nursing business. For one thing I’d ask for a German Cardinal to drop in twice a week and pass me an envelope. Secondly I’d like a return ticket to Disney for the rest of the Papal Mystery Tour plus a one-way ticket out of Londonistan to anywhere. Then I’d like an introduction to one of those extraordinary Irish women who’ve been brought up to tolerate the most appalling five-thousand word blog posts on Vatican II and even come back for more.

So, over there, Simon Bolivar's birthday is coming up, which I hear is sort of like Christmas but for Masons. That puts me in the mood. If you should be Catholic enough — sorry rich enough — to think that it’s better to give than to receive, then I suppose we must consider the wonderful blog readers who’ve put up with a lot from me this past year. I’d very much like to take all the female staff on this web rag out to lunch. Not that I have any. But still. 
I’d like to buy Crabby Trad a colour telly and then make her watch it and I’d like to get Snotty Trad a dictionary of slang so as to enrich his abuse of me. I’d love to give Ignatius Press the book they commissioned me to write in 1897 and I’d like to give my landlord April's rent. As it is, I’m afraid that all I’ll be giving this year is a hard time to my barman. At least I can tell him my true feelings about Frankie. Not that he cares. He's a Low Anglican. I shall also bung my doorman who amazingly deludes himself that I’m a professor and a gentleman. The poor fool probably thinks I’m Cardinal Newman too.


Originally posted at Mahound's Paradise on July 11th, 2015.


  1. Well done Oakes. Most of the Catholic Press are sellouts but maybe it is improving a little but still lacks any credibility. However, yesterday two good things happened in the blog world. The Catholic Thing blog has a good article on the recent drastic falling off in Mass attendees due to Vatican II contrasted with the success of Traditional Catholicism.

    Then One Peter 5 has an analysis of the errors and heresies in Vatican II which has in the nearly total Protestantization of the Church.

    Vatican II has been a catastrophe for the Church and must be abrogated in it's entirety. And it is reasonable, I think, to pronounce the Vatican II Church dead. I say these words on the Crisis Magazine blog and it causes violent blow-back as most Catholics are unaware of how bad things are or that the real purpose of Vatican II was to Protestantize the Church. Note evidence below:

    "We must strip from our Catholic prayers and from the Catholic liturgy everything which can be the shadow of a stumbling block for our separated brethren; that is for the Protestants.”
    - Archbishop Annibale Bugnini, L'Osservatore Romano, March 19, 1965

  2. Did you write that Oakes? Super good. There is a time for colorful language, when it works, let's face it.
    I was disappointed to note that two times in the last so many weeks 1P5 has apparently (I could be in error) refused to print my comment that this church is all but dead.
    What else would happen to any organization where the head and administrators are utterly devoted to it's redefinition and destruction? That is absolutely the case, and now we are all like hyenas, fighting and haggling over the carcass. I don't like that any more than anyone else, but it seems very true. We are in schism, can there really be any doubt? There are two distinct camps, orthodox and destroyers, we have no common ground anymore, what have we to do with them? All we lack, and will not likely get, is a Cardinal to declare him anathema, and that we should avoid him. We see it is not going to happen, bar divine intervention. But we've done it on our own, we didn't need a declaration, apparently. Yet we pity the poor ignorant, or envy them, I'm not sure which sometimes.
    We're waiting on the Good Lord and Our Lady, we have naught else to hope for.
    Carry on, Christian soldiers!

    1. Well, I sort of wrote it. Click on the last word of the piece - "too" - to see what I mean by that.

      Steve K has (I think) one or more independent moderators who may err on the side of "caution" on especially controversial subjects. Then again, as you say, the Discus interface can often be confusing - I've had troubling finding some of my comments as well.

      And, by the way, Kathleen, thank you so much for your kind comments on the other posts. I'm not sure whether you saw one of my replies, as it was pretty late. But thank you, again. I really appreciate it. May you have a restorative Sunday!