Saturday, July 4, 2015

The Anti-Osteen Six: Can Living Protestants be Canonized?

The six men who recently "disrupted" Sunday services at Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church in Houston have been identified, and their leader, Jake Gardner, is now making statements to the media. After singing and praying with his comrades in the hallway of the Harris County courthouse, he had this to say about Osteen (initial Fundie bits have been redacted):
And Joel Osteen is a hypocrite for holding us accountable for preaching the Gospel message because he won't preach it. 
He's not saving souls in Houston, Texas. He's giving souls a free ride... to hell, and giving them a smile on the way there. 
It's a lie. It's a lie. He's an impostor--a charlatan. He's not a true Christian. Jesus Christ warned in the last days that many men would come. And they would call themselves prophets of God. They would call themselves pastors and preachers, teachers, evangelists, motivational speakers. Whatever it is, whatever title he confers upon himself, Jesus Christ says that he's a false prophet because he does not preach the sound words of the faith. 
He's not preaching the pure Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. He's preaching what will tickle the ears of those itching ears in his audience. He's preaching those words that the men of this church will endure.
Okay, so apparently the Church of Wells has been annoying people for some time, allegedly chanting "you're going to hell" at a homeschooling group (!). Some claim they're a cult. I say, give them some slack. They're spot on about Osteen.

At the courthouse:
(I've removed this video because the "automatic launch" was annoying. Watch it here.)
Church of Wells versus the Orangemen. Note the handshakes before battle is declared:


  1. This is the first I've heard of the Church of Wells.
    I have to research these people. Thanks for the heads up my friend.

  2. Osteen, Francis----they're very similar. Surprised Francis hasn't paid an ecumenical visit to this fellow ear tickling clown.

    Seattle kim

  3. They aren't preaching the pure gospel either. Why would they be canonized living or dead. They are the mission field not the missionaries.

  4. It was satire, Coinage. Oakes wasn't seriously vetting them for canonization.

    Seattle Kim