Saturday, July 4, 2015

What if Muslims Wrote the Declaration of Independence?

Sheikh Jefferson, leader of the Jihad against King George III

This is a repost of something I wrote four months ago on the occasion of the current President declaring that "Islam has been woven into the fabric of our country since its founding." But for obvious reasons, I thought it would be appropriate to reprint it today. I confess to thinking it one of my better efforts. Virtually every line of this alternative Declaration sequentially tracks a line in the original, while of course including a few key changes. "Renaming" the founders was a treat after the text was completed. And the last-minute idea to supersize Jibril's John Hancock was something I couldn't resist. 

Do not believe the infidel lies! Here is the actual text of the Declaration of Independence, as translated from the original Arabic:
July 4, 1776.
Recite! Oh, Muslims, when in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people who have submitted to the will of Allah to conquer another people who have not so submitted, and to assume among the powers granted by Allah the Most High, the superior station to which all Muslims are entitled, a decent respect to the opinions of the scholars at Al-Azhar University in Cairo requires that they should declare the particular clauses of the Koran that justify their actions. 
Listen well! We hold these truths to be revealed to us through Mohammed (peace be upon him), that all men are created slaves of Allah, the Most High, and their only purpose is to submit to Him. If they do, they will be granted virgins and cool running streams. If they do not, they will be punished with burning necklaces of coals wrapped around them for all eternity--That to secure these ends Allah has decreed that the entire earth be put under Islam--That whenever any other nation or government opposes those ends, it is the right of all Muslims to alter or abolish it, and to institute the Caliphate over it, laying its foundation in Sharia Law. Prudence indeed will dictate that Muslims should often hide their true purposes, arguing that Islam is after all, merely a “religion of peace.” Current experience has shewn that the infidels are likely to believe this. But when a long train of terrorist attacks alerts some of them to our true goals, we can be confident that their own self-hatred will prevent the bulk of them from opposing us. It is our right, it is our duty to infiltrate their societies in the hopes of throwing off their infidel governments and establishing true Muslim rule throughout their lands—Such has been our patient aim for 1000 years; and such is the necessity imposed upon us by the glorious Koran and the example of Mohammed (peace be upon him). The recent history of the world is the history of the inexorable advance of Islam, all having as its direct object the establishment of an absolute Caliphate… 
...Submit! For the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the Will of Allah, we pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred honor to Sheikh Osama Bin Laden and the leadership of Al Qaeda.

Budail Gwinnett
Leron Hall
Gamali Walton
Wakil Hooper
Jamal Hewes
Jaun Penn
Emir Rutledge
Tarif Heyward, Jr.
Taj Lynch, Jr.
Abdul Middleton
Jibril Hancock
Samien Chase
Wajid Paca
Talib Stone
Cemal Carroll of Carrollton
Ghazwan Wythe
Ramadan Henry Lee
Tamir Jefferson
Bashshar Harrison
Tamam Nelson, Jr.
Farook Lightfoot Lee
Coman Braxton
Ruwayd Morris
Barakah Rush
Bandar Franklin
Jawad Morton
Ghassan Clymer
Jawhar Smith
Gadil Taylor
Jamim Wilson
Ghazwan Ross
Cemal Rodney
Gadil Read
Tamir Mckean
Wajid Floyd
Qutb Livingston
Farhan Lewis
Lutfi Morris
Rasul Stockton
Jabbar Witherspoon
Fareeq Hopkinson
Jasim Hart
Abdul-Basir Clark
Jameel Bartlett
Wajih Whipple
Sa’ib Adams
Jihad Adams
Rimon Treat Paine
Emir Gerry
Shadin Hopkins
Wakil Ellery
Rasul Sherman
Safiy al DinHuntington
Wajih Williams
Omar Wolcott
Mahbub Thompson


  1. Sadly, that's just what it might be like.

  2. This and the preceding article are good stuff.

    1. Thanks. I appreciate it. Still looking for an appropriate conflagration.

  3. Well, he was probably a minority Alawite or something.

  4. Alawite---tee hee!

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